Have you ever felt your life slipping out of control? Where you have no clue what your next step might be, or you might feel like you have no clear picture of the future? Does that excite you? Or scare you? These are questions I started asking myself recently, because ever since I got laid off from my job 3 weeks ago. I was feeling like my life was out of control. It was a strange feeling.
I remember when I moved out to California, and I was starting fresh, and recovering from heart break, I had a similar feeling. I had no clue what my next move would be once I got out here, and I was looking for something to hold on to. Something to bring me stability. So, when I got the news 3 weeks ago Monday, I was at a complete loss. I wanted more than anything to be able to see the positive, but I find that I honestly have to go through the lows, and seriously ride it out. I know I will come out of the downward spiral eventually, but it’s gonna take some time. This usually turns into a lot of emotional conversations, while I try to figure everything out. My coping mechanism for all things, seems to be to talk it out, this in turn helps me think it out. Everyone has their own way of dealing with problems, mine just happens to be to talk. This probably is never going to change, and I don’t want it to, because it makes me feel better, and eventually I come out of the dark place that I was in, and see the light.
While I was going through this dark place, and trying to find the light, I was trying to hold onto anything that I could possibly grab a hold of to sturdy myself. But, I couldn’t seem to find anything. And the things I was reaching to for sturdiness, weren’t very sturdy. The worst part is while I was doing this, I was trying to control certain aspects of my life, that can’t be controlled, like relationships. I usually enjoy the adventure, the excitement of not knowing what’s going to happen next, but as soon as I didn’t have a job, I turned to that part of my life (love life), and I wanted to know what are we doing, where is this going, etc. Which truly wasn’t going to help me. I thought if I could just figure that part of my life out, it would give me a sense of security, stability, and I wouldn’t feel so out of control, and have no idea where my life is heading next. It would give me direction. Which is not fair, and makes no sense. Relationships are like a fire, you can’t smother them, they need air to breath and grow.
Have you ever tried to control something you can’t control?
So, while I’ve been sitting jobless, applying for jobs, and trying to find my next gig, I have been trying to give myself direction, by holding on too tightly, because I was afraid to lose something else too. But, that’s probably the worst thing I could possibly do. Naturally, though as the weeks went by, I started to see the light. I spoke to friends and family, and they really helped me relax, and get my head back to normal. Sometimes I feel like apologizing for my emotional craziness the past 3 weeks, but the truth is, I’m not going to apologize, because I needed to go through that, get all those emotions out to get to where I am now. We all go through low points, we all go through changes, and there is no right or wrong way for us to move past them, just as long as we do. What’s important is that we are there for each other when these changes or low points do happen, and that people see you, just as you are, the person you always are, and that this small bout of emotional turmoil is a part of you, but it’s not you, it’s you reacting to a hardship. What makes true relationships and friendships, great, are those people who are still there on the other end, after all is said and done.
What’s amazing is how clear the mind is, once it is calm, and no longer worried. I have kept myself busy, but, my mind still continued to think, and think, and think, and think. And therefore, I talked, and talked, and talked, and talked.
So, while I apply for jobs, I have given my life a new focus, Project Neon, and it feels good! Project Neon is something I started, to share my passion for fitness, fashion, style, food, etc.. I wanted a place to write, and share, and inspire. Each month, I’m showcasing a fitness challenge, and encouraging people to join. Share photos of yourself participating in the challenge for a chance to win a prize at the end of the month. In addition, I will be sharing recipes, music, fashion, stories, etc. You name it. You can follow along at:
All I know is smile. Because life is a beautiful journey.